When I look back and see a similar pattern to this quote in my life, it’s tough to swallow and my heart becomes anxious. I’m sure I’m not alone, but what stands out for me are not the obvious “in your face” moments, it’s the times when I did this to myself just to appease and please.
Coming to know myself has been a deep and personal experience. I’m doing my best in every moment not to “Tuck My Fringe”. Standing out or just being yourself can be difficult, especially when you’ve hidden that part of you most of your life. I’ve had to make tough decisions to walk away from people and situations that were trying to roll me back up, making me fit their needs. It is not comfortable for me at all and in the process I’ve been hurt and I’m sure I’ve hurt others by standing up for myself. I had a “friend” tell me once that I was a “puppet”. As much as those words hurt at the time, they were true. But make no mistake, as difficult as it is for me to cut the strings of my puppeteers, the freedom of living my truth feels so much better. Scary at times, but better.
As I look thru the lens of my life, I can zoom out and see the people and situations of the past and then zoom in on the lesson. I can see clearly when and how I was taken advantage of in very subtle but controlling ways because of my nature to please.
My nature to please, however, is part of me. It is part of my true self. My husband often reminds me, “You’re a giver. That’s who you are.” The process of UN-tucking my fringe, is to learn to who and what is mine to give. Finding balance. I care for my family, my friends and my students and it feels 100% natural for me to do so. My work every day is to make sure I am also allowing myself to receive and surrounding myself with people who are not trying to “roll me back up” to fit their needs.
So, the journey continues to UN-tuck my fringe. I pray each day that I will discern what is mine to do and to have the courage to leave the rest without question. My wish for all is that we can live our true self, coming from a place of peace and acceptance for who we are first, before ever giving ourselves away.