Just think for a moment how our world could be transformed if we all took moments of true rest every day. This thought has been on my mind for months now, as I myself have been thrown, lovingly into Divine rest. I say thrown in, because that's how God works with me. When my ego mind gets too big for its britches, God steps in and forces His hand. My body, mind and spirit had nothing left to give, so I was forced to rest. For me that meant, putting all the "duties" aside. It wasn't about taking time after my work was done, it was about taking the time regardless if my work was done. Since I'm a methodical person who craves structure, I carved time out for rest and nothing else could interfere with that time. I started to say NO, more often and I couldn't wait to get to my day of rest. My time where nothing or no one was demanding something from me and I placed NO demands on myself. What has happened through rest? More UN-Tucking.
As someone who can't remember a time when she wasn't hustling, I knew no other way to be. I am very skilled at always finding something to do, and that's how I have lived pretty much my whole life, or at least as long as I can remember. So this idea of rest came when my body and mind began to shut down. My logic at the beginning was that something was wrong with me, but I quickly learned that it was just time to rest. All the "things" over the years hadn't "made" me, me! I had had it with the hustle. I was resentful, tired, angry at myself and somewhat depressed and I had no idea how to fix it. I had spent my existence co-dependently trying to fix things for others, and here I was unable to "fix" myself. So I turned to the only place I could. God. After, of course, the emotional eats and drinks, self sabotage and pity parties. It was a real struggle! And it still is. This is a journal entry I made in September, "God, what are you calling me to do? Am I finally to rest from trying to prove myself worthy. How do I repair the damage my insecurities have caused to my being. I need you to guide me. I'm lost. At times I don't even know how to be me. Is this my time to stop and rest?" When I wrote this I didn't read it back, that was until, this past Monday when I woke up and felt uncertain. I just kept saying over and over and over, "Show me!" That journal entry was what God showed me that morning.
So what if it is time for REST? For all of us! You might be shaking your head right now, as you sip your coffee and look at the boxes of holiday decorations sitting on your living room floor. Rest? The following paragraph is from the book Rhythms of Rest by Shelly Miller, “Busyness can be avoidance instead of preparation. We’ve been busy with lots of things—running errands, decorating rooms, cleaning up messes, and cooking special food, all in preparation for receiving guests, celebrating Christmas, and making moments festive. Everything might be ready, but emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually, we are not. Ironically, busyness in the wrong thing ultimately leaves us completely unprepared for what is most important.” (the reason for the season)
What is most important to you? Are you saying yes to joy or obligation? Will you let the disease of busy-ness define you? Will you live blind to the enemy's distractions?
This year has been one of the toughest years in my recovery. It has been a sequence of letting go of people, situations, expectations (mine and other's), plans, false identities and many, many layers of thick, heavy armor. There are many days, when I feel like Tucking myself back into that neat little package. Building up my strenght to dress myself again with that thick skin, but I've come too far to go back. So I will rest. I will rest from carrying the armor and I will rest because recovery takes a lot of energy. I'm telling you now that "thick skin" is NOT a badge of honor. You can't stay TUCKED and heal at the same time. It's just not possible. And healing has to begin with you and God. Healing begins with REST. This post is not really for you, it's for me! I hope if it is meant to speak to you it does, but I write this for my recovery. I am honoring what God is guiding me to do and that is to share my journey and now, to REST. I wish you all a wonderful Happy Christmas and New Year!